Woof! Woof! Welcome back my cut cubs, burly bears, wonderful wolves and oral otters! Papa Bear is back in black and ready to give you another lecherous lesson in the fuckdementals of bear banging!
Today, we're going to discuss the ins and outs of bear grooming and fashion, so you can be set the bait and get the boys into your bear trap.
Just because you are a real man doesn't mean you can afford to look like shit - in fact bears have some of the highest standards of appearance in the masculine community.
Of course, we ain't metrosexual and we don't use cologne to stink like a twink, but the better you look the class ass you'll find so you can drain your balls and have some piece of mind.
When you head out to the bar you want to look your beastly best so that your cock will stand out from all the rest.
Yet, you'll hardly see bear fashion spreads in this month's Vogue or GQ - so what's a horny bear to do?
Papa Bear to the rescue!
Sit back my boys and let Papa Bear tell you everything you always wanted to know about being a bear fashion template but were afraid to ask!
You Are Not Going Out Looking Like That - The Worst Bear Fashion Faux Pas!
Just because you aren't a pretty boy or a kinky twink doesn't mean you have the right to be a slob.
No matter what cumunity you are in, you will always be judge by your appearance - and people will notice what you do wrong more than what you do right. This just proves that even bears can be a bitch!
You could always ask your goldilocks what looks bad and sad, but and easier way is just to know the most common mistakes bears make when they are on the make.
After all, you don't want to lose your shot at a hot cock, simply because you didn't know how to look your best so you can put his ass to the test!
That's why good old Papa Bear is going to start off this less telling you what every bear should know not to wear when they want to look woofalicious!
Those are the basics, my little cubs and giant grizzlies. Just keep up with these rules and you'll find the masculine men have no problem keeping it up for you!
The Bear Essentials - What Every Bear Needs To Have In His Closet!
Ok, motherfucker, you've come out of the closet - now what are you going to put in it in your place?
Every bear is going to have his own fagtabulous fashion sense, but there are a few things that every burly boy needs if he wants to start spreading his ass or his seed.
While some of these things you may only need once year, you don't want to get caught out without them after you cum out.
After all people are going to expect more from you now that you are a seeder instead of a breeder!
These are the bear necessities that will help you through any event or occasion and keep the boys cumming back for more!
Get ready to get beartiful!
Several pairs of loose, but not baggy jeans.
A belt. This is what separates the bears from the boys.
Black T-shirts. You should have a collection - some of them faded to show you have experience and some of them new when want to look a little dressy. Do not wear free T-shirts you got from a bar. You are a bear, not a frat boy.
A bunch of dark long sleeved shirts. Fuck the flannel unless you want to be in a garage band or live in Seattle.
At least one leather jacket. At some point you are going to have a boyfriend who is into the leather scene and you won't want to look like a total dickweasle when you go out with him.
A Tuxedo. You are a grown man and eventually you are going to have to dress up. Most tuxedo rental places don't carry tuxes in our sizes, so you'll want to own one before you are invited to your sister's wedding.
Some real worn in work boots. You are a real manly man, so you might as well look like one.
A decent pair of lace up shoes. You weren't born in a barn and you don't live in a garage. Just because you have a beard doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to clean up nice.
Dark socks - so you don't look like a dick and your feet don't stink.
Unscented soap. I like Ivory but anything that doesn't come from The Body Shop is a good place to start.
You got that boys?
Papa Bear says that you need to have these things unless you are the type of bear that shits in the woods.
And Papa Bear wants you to get all the ass you can handle - so take my advice and make yourself look nice.
Grooming - You Want To Be A Horny Hairy Bear - Not A Smelly Scary Bear!
There's a difference between growing beard and being a bear and simply not shaving and looking like a bum on a street corner.
Of course you don't want to look or smell like you just got out of a beauty parlor, but you still need to be put together if you want to hook up.
The thing is that the better you look the more you'll get laid - and a cock in your mouth is worth two in a bush, so want to get your ass in gear and make sure your hygiene is nothing to fear.
In that mode, I'm going to go over the basics of bear grooming - so that you get dick and don't simply look like one.
As I noted before every bear has there own personal style - but some things are universal and these tips will help you look as cockalicious as possible. Your beard. Of course you need to have a beard, but it should never look scraggly. Don't try to use scissors. You'll fuck it up. Instead get an adjustable electric beard trimmer. Use it every three to five days, depending on how fast your hair grows and you'll look like you should.
Pluck your nose hairs - otherwise you'll get cum stuck in them and it will be almost impossible to get out.
The hair on your head. Keep it clean. Unless you've just come in from a hike in the woods your hair should shine. Wash it every day. If it's long wear it in a neat ponytail if you go someplace nice.
If you absolutely can't wash your hair, wrap a bandanna around your head so we don't have to see the grease.
Manscaping. Just. Don't. Do. It. Your pubes are your pubes and make you who you are. Leave your pubic hair as long as nature intended. Same goes for your sweet hairy ass.
Another no-no is using hair dye. That's for twinks and your sister. If you are going grey, embrace it and the young boys with daddy complexes will want to embrace you and your tattoos.
Wash your fucking feet. No man's gonna get on his knees for your if your feet make him want to hurl.
Listen to Papa Bear - he knows code so that you'll get the chance to blow your big fucking load!
I haven't steered you wrong before and if I'm lying I'm dying! These days you can only be a groom in California and Massachusetts, but that's no excuse for bad grooming!
Are You Ready To Rumble? You Now Know The Basics Of Bear Fashion And Grooming - So You'll Always Look As Cumtastic As Possible!
See, my little cubs, ornery otters and delicious daddy bears, that wasn't so hard, was it?
Getting in the swing and looking your best is one of the first tests of being a bear who has a lot of cubs to play with.
You now know want not to do, what you need to have in your closet and how to groom a grizzly. Isn't it time you went out and started to play.
I'll keep my eyes out for you and if you are a cute cub who's looking to score, I just might bend you over until you are begging for more!